Monday Morning Streaming Picks - 8/24/20

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Our weekly review of what’s streaming now, and what’s actually worth your time

Disney+

Good Pick: Incredibles 2 (Jake’s Rating: 82/100)

I’ve always loved these movies. I grew up watching The Incredibles 1 and playing Rise of the Underminer on my Gameboy. What makes this franchise so good is the characters. Despite being literal cartoon superheroes, they feel like a real family. They have plenty of problems, but in the end, all they ever really want is what’s best for each other. Also Elastigirl is on the Mount Rushmore of hot cartoon moms.

Fun Pick: Who Framed Roger Rabbit (74/100)

This movie is far too horny for anyone to pretend it’s for children, yet millions of people do. It’s quick, it’s funny, and most of all, it has Jessica Rabbit. This week is the hot cartoons edition of my streaming picks, if you don’t like it, call my agent at 712-274-4168.

Idiot Pick: Hamilton (Wet Fart Before The AC In Your Car Has Kicked On/100)

This will be the pick every week until Lin Manuel-Miranda apologizes for everything he’s done.

Netflix

Good Pick: Nightcrawler (86/100)

I absolutely love Jake Gyllenhaal. He’s an inspiration to all the Jake’s out there. He proved that despite having the most common name in the world, Jake’s can be hot and we can be mostly decent actors. Also the rest of the movie is good and whatever, but mostly carried on the strength of him being named Jake.

Fun Pick: Lucifer (28/100

This show SUCKS. It’s genuinely awful for every episode and has borderline zero redeeming qualities outside of two or three actors. The new season is some of the dumbest shit I’ve ever seen. HOWEVER, its really, really, fun. Complete guilty pleasure show that will have you up all night eating Twizzlers and smashing next episode.

Idiot Pick: Pride and Prejudice (37/100)

“Ah yes, what if we took the feeling you get at the DMV and turned it into a movie” –Whoever made P&P, probably. I think it’s almost impossible to have not one entertaining thing happen for 128 minutes, but by god did they manage it.

HBO Max

Good Pick: Blade Runner: The Final Cut (99/100)

To me, this is a nearly perfect movie. It’s beautifully shot, the story is engaging, it has the coolest man of all time in the lead role; it’s basically the exact opposite of Pride and Prejudice. Only interesting things happen for 118 minutes. The Final Cut is the purest version of what Ridley Scott wanted the movie to be, and it’s the best version of a movie that’s been cut up and rereleased almost 10 times. It is very much one of the top three movies of all time.

Fun Pick: Selena + Chef (57/100)

I would only ever watch this show because of my interest in the culinary arts. I do not care for Selena Gomez, my heart belongs only to my very plain wife!

Idiot Pick: Deep Blue Sea (4/100

There was a time in the late 90’s where the studios were truly just letting anything fly. Some of it hit, some of it was Deep Blue Sea. Do your country a favor and write a formal complaint to HBO asking them to remove this film before it affects anyone else.

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