Power Ranking the Worst Teams in the NBA
Power Ranking The Teams Not Invited To Orlando
Knicks
Hawks
Bulls
Hornets
Cavs
Pistons
Warriors
Timberwolves
Hawks (7)
John Collins
John Collins is one of my favorite young players in the league. Excluding his rancid ass Dunk Contest performance, he’s been a very solid player. He managed a career high FG% of 58 this year, while knocking down 40% of his three and a half 3PA. His rebounding and blocks have been trending up, he’s a good piece to pair with the explosive Trae Young.
Hornets (4)
Ray Spalding
Jalen McDaniels
PJ Washington
This group stinks. I don’t even know if Spalding is technically on the team or if he was in the G League this year, but he shares a name with a company that makes basketballs, so I would keep an eye on him. McDaniels stinks, not much to say there. PJ Washington was fine enough, but you probably want more than 12-2-4 from your lottery pick. He does have legit upside though, so I’m far from calling him a bust.
Bulls (5)
Thaddeus Young
Lauri Markkanen
BOOOOOO. I just don’t like Lauri, and Thad Young is washed without ever being that good. This group earns an official P and an official U because they stink. (Disclaimer: Lauri might be good, I just personally don’t like him. This disclaimer has been brought to you by Old Takes Exposed)
Cavs (8)
Don’t
Care
Fuck
The
Cavs
Pistons (6)
Blake Griffin
Christian Wood
I like Blake a lot despite him being wildly overpaid and well past his prime. Christian Wood is a very decent guy to have waiting in the wings. In 62 games with the Pistons he shot 56-38-74. He’s an okay rebounder and a decent scorer, and I think Dwayne Casey can get the best out of him.
Warriors (2)
Dragan Bender
Alen Smailagic
Eric Paschall
Draymond Green
First things first, when the fuck did Bender get to the Warriors? Second things second, is he good enough to matter? Hard no. I like Paschall because there aren’t that many players from New York so I want them all to do well. Draymond is good at crying on phone calls and playing defense, but needs superstar guards to be a legit piece.
Timberwolves (3)
Omari Spellman
Jarred Vanderbilt
Juan Hernangomez
This team is close to my heart because I have a 2K MyCareer player on their squad. Omari should call his cousin Sabrina and get her to work her magic (Sabrina the Teenage Witch joke) because he’s not that good. Vanderbilt seems fine but doesn’t get nearly enough minutes for me to have an opinion on. I like Kentucky players though, so best of luck to him. Hernangomez is an absolute sniper from the corner in 2K, and it tracks in real life, where he shot 42% on basically 5 3PA per game. I hope this group does well and I hope they keep wearing those fire purple jerseys.
Knicks (1)
Bobby Portis
Julius Randle
Kenny Wooten
Taj Gibson
Kevin Knox
Some of you may say that certain players here are actually “Centers” or “Small Forwards” and to that I would say shut up, I want the Knicks to be number one in this. Some of these people are old, some of them stink, some fit both of those categories. If Julius Randle wants to stop taking extremely inefficient Iso possesions from half court that would be delightful. If Kevin Knox wants to start being much better that would also be delightful. I operate my Knicks fandom on the same basis of Tinkerbell’s existence: if I believe in it, it will happen. With that being said, 2025 MVP Mitchell Robinson, DPOY Frankie Smokes, Finals MVP RJ Barrett.